Finding My Words

A Poem

There is something I need to say, but I’m struggling to find the words that need to be said.

I am struggling to find the meaning of these emotions that have led,

That have led me to this blank canvas where instead, I try to write it out,

But I still feel lost as I try to think about

As I try to think about the overwhelming need to scream and shout it out

Shout out what exactly?

I’m not quite sure if you’d ask me,

It’s just a feeling I’ve been hoping would pass me,

But last week, and the last week, and all the past weeks

I spoke but I couldn’t speak,

It’s just confusing me,

Maybe it’s tears that need to be released,

Maybe it’s fear somewhere inside of me

But God lives here, so it can’t be,

It’s not depression, so please spare me,

Your 3 or 4 opinions of the probably’s and the maybe’s

Cause baby you don’t know me,

I’m strong and I’ve been born again,

A good 5, 6, 7 years taken out of the life of sin,

So yes my mind is sound because with God I win

But sometimes I just need to speak,

The words that coincide with my emotions I seek

Can I be real right quick without being judged that I’m weak?

I think it’s my insecurities,

I hold them in as if having them is a rarity,

But it’s not. I, we, all just need clarity,

Clarity to change the why me mentality,

To a yes me mentality

So, If I begin to tell you all the details

All the details of all the me fails,

I hope you’re kind enough to just listen to me tell,

To me tell, to me scream, to me yell,

Finally finding the words to say that derailed,

My emotions for a quick second

I told you it wasn’t depression; it was actually a blessing,

To find the words to write on this blank canvas,

I finally gained my understanding.